I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
