It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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