I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
