Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
