Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
birth control should be required to get into college
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
