The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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