I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
