I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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