I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
