Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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