that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You pole danced in your parka.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
