Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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