I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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