His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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