At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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