i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
