worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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