Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
