My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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