Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
