I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
