Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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