i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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