No more Irish car bombs ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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