Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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