just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
