youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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