I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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