I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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