i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
