I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
