I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
