I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
