I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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