It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
