I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
