i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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