I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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