oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.