Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.