is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
