Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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