I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
