I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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