last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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