Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
