Can i not drive my cunt home
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
