you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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