I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
