Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
