there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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