i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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