I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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