This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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