She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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