So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
