Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
