Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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