Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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