We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
