trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Help. Why am I so naked?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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