my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
