hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
