Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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