Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
