she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
